This weekend I had the opportunity to sit next to a woman during lunch. We were both attending a function in town and this was our lunch break. Of course the conversation turned ‘spiritual’. She was mentioning that she was in a stressful place and trying to decide whether or not to “…hand it over to Holy Spirit” (yes, she is studying A Course In Miracles). Call it what you will, Holy Spirit, God, Universe, etc…they are all the same and she calls It Holy Spirit.
Anyway…I had to laugh…simply because ‘Holy Spirit’ already has it, always has, and always will. Our choice to hand it over hasn’t a damn thing to do with whether or not ‘Holy Spirit’ takes it. The ONLY thing we are holding onto, with our dear life for that matter, is an idea. An idea of how we want our world, a specific situation, a relationship, etc, to look like. And 100% of the time, if we are struggling with that situation (which is why we would hand it over to Holy Spirit) that would clearly indicate that it is not serving us…yet we fight so hard to make it work. Meanwhile, ‘Holy Spirit’ is gently reminding us that there is another way…if only we would let go of the idea that is causing us stress! LOL
Seriously, I had to laugh. Who do we think we’re kidding anyway? Why are we so determined to make our lives (relationships included) look and feel a specific way? (and, it’s a way that nobody is having any luck with to boot.) Because, ‘that way’ is an idea that has been handed down to us through the ages. Nobody, OK, very few people, have questioned, and even fewer have decided not to follow. Talk to those who have decided not to follow the old idea and I guarantee you will find some very happy (Truly happy) people.
Take relationships for example. We (as children) are conditioned with an idea of what relationships are supposed to look like…whether it’s a friendship, romantic relationship, work relationship, etc…and we believe in the promise of what that relationship will bring us so much that we totally give up everything that we are in order to make the relationship work. And I do mean ‘work’, the way we were conditioned to think it works. Here we are, holding on desperately to a relationship with someone else that is obviously not working, while totally letting go of the most important relationship we will ever have…the one with ourselves.
What’s sad is that the relationship goes sour and we then blame ourselves. We continue to self-sacrifice, blame and belittle ourselves (and others) because no matter what we do we just can’t make it ‘work’. Well of course it won’t work! What kills me is that we are so ‘hooked’ on what the promise of that relationship brings us that we totally deny our own Self. And then we wonder why we’re sick and relationships don’t work?
You’ve heard me say it before…at least I think you have…THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP YOU WILL EVER HAVE IS THE ONE YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF. Yup! Here we are, holding on desperately to a relationship with someone else that is obviously not working, while totally letting go of the most important relationship we will ever have…the one with ourselves. And, here we are totally ignoring our relationship with Self simply because we think that another person, outside of ourselves, is the one that will make life perfect for us. Well, I’m here to tell you that the one that makes life perfect for you…IS YOU. Nobody else can do that for you…EVER. Now, I’m not saying that we’re meant to be loners all of our lives, simply that we’re meant to come together for a very different reason…and one that does not look even remotely close to what we think it does.
We get so mad when our partners and friends don’t see us for who we are. Hell, when all we do is wear masks all day, trying to be what we think the other person will like, how could they possibly know us for who we are? Really. We’re too afraid that we won’t be liked, won’t be accepted, won’t be Loved…so we try to be something to ensure that we will.
We get so made when our partners don’t behave the way we want them to behave. Well of course they’re not, and it’s not fair to force them too. And besides, why should they? The only reason why we want them to is so that we can feel better about our own ideas and judgments about ourselves. Not fair at all. Because even when the other person does respond to our NEEDY request we often find something else about them that needs to be changed. How about we simply change ourselves to realize that everything we will ever need lives inside of us. We do not need another person to do or be anything else. And when we stop making them be something we want them to be, allowing them to Be what they want to be, maybe then we’ll see them for who they really are…as well as see ourselves for who we really are.
Love. It goes a long way…all the way actually. It enables us to share with others who we Truly are while others share what they Truly are, free of judgments.
Love. It bridges gaps and brings people together in ways we could have never dreamed.
Love. It’s all we need because everything lives within it. Love, Universe, God, Holy Spirit…is everything…and we are not part of it, WE ARE IT.
Love holds NO requirements. None! If you need someone to Be a certain way before you ‘love’ them or ‘be friends’ with them…than you’re not in a loving space at all. At that point, you are using them to fill your own false ideas so that you can feel better about yourself.
Love. There’s the smile. There’s the warmth. There’s the joy. There’s the bliss.